Barack Obama White House Press Releases BarackObamaWhitehouse.us PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA FIRST IN HISTORY TO WIN NOBEL PEACE PEACE FOR ACCOMPLISHING NOTHING 9 October 09: “Gee, I never thought I’d actually win The Nobel Peace Prize when someone put me in for nomination after only two days in office and won it after only eleven days. It’s a pity I had to wait until October for the announcement to be made.  I wonder who David Axelrod got to do this? By getting this prize I now officially join the ranks of other Peace Prize winners, like Jimmy Carter and Yasir Arafat.  I know this isn't exactly like the Nobel Prize for Science where you actually have to accomplish something, but I’m touched nevertheless (Click Photo to Right for Larger View). Let this be a lesson to the children of America.  You will definitely receive international attention if you spend your time traveling the world running down your own country. I understand that I’ve also been nominated for the Nobel Prize in Economics for the originality of fiscal actions that will bankrupt and destroy the most productive economy in the world. Not only that, but Michelle Obama is slated to win The Noble Prize in Fashion Footwear for her $540.00 Lanvin Sneakers. (Click Photo To Right for Larger View) OBAMA’S JULY 4TH INVITATION TO IRANIAN LEADERS 24 June 09: “Just to show that I, Barack Hussein Obama [blessed be my name] doesn’t blame Iranian upholders of their glorious Islamic Revolution for the beating and murdering of students, my offer to share in our July 4th celebrations still stands. Every year, American embassies all over the world hold their July 4th barbecues.  We invited Iranian diplomats to attend several weeks ago, but fear that they might be too preoccupied ordering the continued butchery of their student demonstrators.  Iran has an old, rich culture and can certainly combine the festivities of pummeling their citizens with eating Kosher Franks and lighting fireworks. I, ‘the Obama’ have set aside cultural differences at this time of celebration.  And I look forward to a reciprocal invitation from Iran’s Guardian Council of Mullahs where I will gladly make a speech running down America once again.  After all, a revolution is a revolution and we shouldn’t make judgements.”     BARACK OBAMA’S OUTSTRETCHED HAND PRESS RELEASE 1 May 09: “During my 100 Days in Office photo extravaganza, I displayed my compassion by claiming that while I considered waterboarding torture, I would not be for bringing participating CIA agents up on charges. On the other hand and in my deep abiding respect for Third World politics, I held open the possibility of adapting their tactics of silencing political opposition by investigating and prosecuting former national leaders. Some say that Waterboarding is a frightening but harmless interrogation tactic experienced by thousands of U.S. Army Special Forces units during their training for possible capture and that it has only been used on five terrorists.  Some also point to documents proving that these tactics actually garnered information that saved thousands of American lives from planned terrorist attacks. But we are a nation of compassion and change.  What does a few thousand American lives mean when balanced against gaining the love of our enemies. In view of this, I’ve instructed my staff members to leak the names of the two psychologists responsible for designing the CIA's program of waterboarding on some terrorists to secure information and for insuring the program was allegedly safe. In this case, information was released to our toadies at ABC News, who dutifully outed former military officers Bruce Jessen and Jim Mitchell along with their photos, as having an ‘important role in developing what became the CIA's torture program.’ Jessen and Mitchell were previously involved in the U.S. military program to train pilots how to resist brutal tactics if captured.  The latter is acceptable since I really don’t like American soldiers, particularly if they’re white.  That’s why in mid-April, I instructed my Director of Homeland Security to brand returning white veterans as potential Terrorists. My goal is to transform the CIA from an evil, anti-Third World organization into the foreign division of the Department of Health and Human Services.  And the only way to accomplish this is to make CIA operatives feel that they have to be crazy to work in counter terrorism for fear of being outed and having themselves or their family members killed. As a further note, I’ve instructed US Defense Secretary Robert Gates to put extreme pressure on Israel against their launching a military attack on Iran to halt its nuclear program.  Israel is an ally of the ‘old’ America, but Iran is part of the new ‘inclusive’ American nation.  As further proof of this, I instructed Gates to publicly dismiss the possibility of a United States strike against their nuclear facilities in the hopes that Iran will realize we just want to be friends.  Once Iran realizes that we have no objections to their nuclear program, they will have no need produce nuclear weapons. Besides, a strike against Iran would only delay Iran's nuclear program one to three years and make them angry at us. Perhaps if England and France and Poland and Czechoslovakia and Belgium and The Netherlands and others were more embracing of Adolf Hitler and Germany in the 1930’s, he would have realized that everyone could live together in peace and harmony. In my administration, this has become America’s new foreign policy, with new ideas and new friends.” Contact: Administrator@barackobamawhitehouse FULL PRESS RELEASES Home Page / Obama’s Muslim Adventure / Gives Submissive Bow Job to Saudi King Obama Eliminates Terrorism  / Piracy on High Seas / Right Wing Militias / Peace & Love / / The American Economy / Community Sacrifice / Saving Energy & Planet / Supreme Court and the Law / / Obama’s Muslim Adventure Part Deux / Government Medical Care / Foreign Policy / / Remaking America / Racial Reconciliation / President Obama Reaches out to World In Love and Understanding Text and Graphics Copyright: Michael G. Leventhal - BarackObamaWhitehouse.us