Barack Obama Universal Medical Care

Barack Obama White House Press Releases BarackObamaWhitehouse.us Contact: Administrator@barackobamawhitehouse CONGRESSMAN DENNIS J. KUCINICH COMES OUT IN SUPPORT OF OBAMACARE. ADMITS TO BEING AN EXTRATERRESTRIAL 17 March 2010: Dennis J. Kucinich, the only member of Congress who admits to be an extraterrestrial, came out in support of Obamacare today. Claiming that he wasn’t happy with the bill, Kucinich admitted that his decision is based on President Obama promising to take him to Area 51 so that he could pay his respects to the bodies of Alien relatives that have been preserved there since the Roswell crash. (Click Photo to Right for Larger View) Smiling broadly, Kucinich agreed to accept Nancy Pelosi’s offer to Chair the Congressional Committee on Extraterrestrial Contacts. Displaying an intrepid independence that has been the hallmark of his career in Congress and bid for the Presidency, Kucinich explained that he has added an amendment to the Healthcare bill, making the United States a non voting member of the United Federation of Planets. Kucinich explained that people incorrectly thought he suffered from Crohn's Disease all his life, which would not covered under Obamacare. “I don’t have Crohn’s Disease, the feisty Congressman admitted. I have Clones Disease, which our President has stated will definitely receive coverage. As such, I’ll be Cloning myself every 25 years to ensure that a Kucinich looking exactly like me will remain in Congress to sell out the American people every generation. This will pave the way for my relatives to successfully conquer your puny planet and bring Socialized Medicine to everyone in America.” BARACK OBAMA BIDS GOODBY TO TELEPROMPTERS AS HE IS LED AWAY BY DOCTORS 3 March 2010: Flanked by a team of Psychiatrists from Walter Reed Medical Center, President Barack Hussein Obama revealed that he was really Abraham Lincoln and Congress must pass government medical care, before Southern General Robert E. Lee marches on Washington DC with an army of elderly Tea Party people and brings back slavery. (Click Photo to Right for Larger View) “We need a final vote on healthcare,” Obama cried out, “or the nation is lost.” He then began reciting the Gettysburg Address, claiming to have written it while grabbing a quick smoke and sipping on his fifth shot glass of Jack Daniels. "At stake right now is not just our ability to solve this problem, but our ability to solve any problem," Mr. Obama told a throng of white- coated doctors and nurses in the East Room, where a year ago he started the drive for this increasingly unpopular legislation. Bidding farewell to his teleprompters, Obama thanked them for their patriotic service, claiming that under Obamacare, they will have free repair services available in any computer store in America. He was then led out of the White House East Room by white robed attendants in preparation for being returned to his padded cell. PRESIDENT OBAMA FINDS FUDGE ALLIES FOR RATIONED HEALTH CARE 14 Aug 2009: “Now, here’s a Congresswoman I can relate to,” said a beaming Obama, upon discovering that Representative Marcia Fudge had police eject white constituents from her government run health plan Town Hall meeting as being “disorderly.” (Click Photo to Right for Larger View) “This is still my meeting,” Fudge quipped at Case Western Reserve University in Ohio, displaying to her subjects that she didn’t really care what they thought if they were not in agreement with Barack Obama. “That’s a bad black sister,” said Obama. “Maybe when I gain complete control over government, I can have my Secret Service eject non-Progressives from Congress and transform America into another Cuba or Venezuela.” THE WHITE HOUSE OPENS A NEW WEBSITE TO EXPLAIN RATIONED HEALTH CARE 10 August 2009: In an effort to convince America’s elderly blockheads that rationed health care is a humane way to end their miserable lives and be beneficial to cutting future government expenses, The White House has begun yet another website. This is accompanied by a personal letter from David Axelrod, the only person in the Obama administration who doesn’t need a teleprompter to put a sentence together. To understand what we expect of you, click this hyperlink. Obama needs you... the young, the selfish, the unemployed. Let’s face it. We’ve screwed things up so badly, that you really have nothing better to do between listening to your IPods and scribbling fantasies in Facebook. OBAMA WOWS THE ELDERLY AT AARP TOWN HALL MEETING 28 July 2009: “Boy, are you old white people easy to lead around by the nose. I have less trouble with you than with my dog Bo. You ask questions and I lie to you. But you’re so mentally feeble and frightened, that you never question why my explanations are different from the words in my Socialized health plan. My little show is made even more fun because of my buddy, A. Barry Rand who as you may or may not know, is the CEO of the AARP. He’s spent a lifetime as an affirmative action executive pushing race based Affirmative Action quotas. He donated $9,000 to my campaign. (Click Photo to Right for Larger Image) Barry knows that my medical plan for rationed health care has an Office of Civil Rights and Office of Minority Affairs. He knows this means that Blacks in need of medical care will be pushed to the head of the line over whites and Asians. He knows that we’ll be stealing over 500 billion dollars from Medicare to cover illegal aliens and minorities in my new medical plan. He knows that forcing people over 65 to meet with ‘Life Counselors’ every five years, isn’t to help you make out living wills. It’s to make you aware of options for ending your life. And wait until until you try to find your white or Asian Doctors. Many will just be pushed out of the profession. We’re forcing the medical schools to accept unqualified Blacks and they need compliant meat to grind up when they graduate. Just keep sitting there with silly elderly smiles on your faces. The end will come sooner than you think. And don’t forget to keep paying your dues to the AARP.” PRESIDENT OBAMA EXPLAINS HIS SOCIALIZED MEDICINE PLAN TO AMERICA 22 July 2009: With melodious tones taking advantage of his Teleprompter’s wisdom, President Obama wove an easily understood and eloquent vision of his national socialized medicine plan to an American people eagerly hanging on to his vocal imagery. “I The Obama, will cure Lepers and heal the hopelessly afflicted. All you need do is carry my National ID health card and surrender your will to my divine revelation. Oh yes... I also rescued the economy and my efforts would be more appreciated if only the fifteen million unemployed would just drop dead.” (Click Photo to Right for Larger Image) PRESIDENT OBAMA EXPLAINS PAYING FOR HIS HEALTH PLAN TO CONGRESS 20 July 2009: It’s come to my attention that my socialized health plan is running into trouble, so I’ve come before my subjects in Congress to explain things again. This plan will not cost more money at all, because we’re going to get the increase cost from other places where waste occurs. For example, most of America’s health costs are created by the elderly, who have selfishly decided to get old and frail. By rationing non-essential Medicare medical services to these people like operations and medication, we can save hundreds of billions of dollars. Old people are just waiting around to die anyway, so we’re just helping them along. We can tell them that opting for early death is like giving a gift to their Grandchildren. They’ll like that. This won’t affect any of you, because government civil servants will be covered by a separate and much better plan that pampers retired bureaucrats. Don’t we deserve it? Not only that, but lets face facts. The majority of private sector Americans who generate our wealth and taxes are only useful while they are working. When they retire, they become a liability to the state. They make unreasonable demands, like expecting to get back some of the money we forced them to put into Social Security. Unfortunately, we’ve spent all of these funds, which means that we would have to figure out a way to cover our theft. This is what’s so cool about my new medical plan. By taking money from Medicare to pay for my universal health plan, the odds are that the elderly will die earlier. This means that we can stop paying them Social Security and put these funds towards my universal health care costs. Pretty Cool, huh? And you members of the Black Congressional Caucus are gonna love this. Since white people tend to live longer than Black people, we’ll be knocking off more whites than in the general population. You’ll also be happy to know that we have inserted an “Office of Civil Rights,” and “Office of Minority Affairs” into the medical bill. This will insure that Blacks receive whatever medical treatment they want and only white people will be rationed. Louis Farakkhan’s going to make me an honorary Black Muslim for that one. Oops, I almost forgot that I’m a Black Muslim already, but don’t tell Whitey. So let’s get crackin’ and start our whackin’. The AARP is in my pocket and won’t say a word. OBAMA’S GREAT AMERICAN INFOMERCIAL ON HEALTH CARE 16 June 2009: “Boy, was yesterday’s health care infomercial on ABC fun. No opposing views were allowed. The audience was hand picked. I was allowed to take up most of the time just running off with vagaries and no opposition. Now, I know how Adolf Hitler must have felt until everything fell apart. What a rush. Then some neurologist named Devinsky, from New York University Langone Medical Center asked me if my wife and daughters got sick, would I promise that they would only get services allowed under my government health insurance plan. I thought the Jews were all in my pocket and how did he get a chance to ask an intelligent question anyway? People are beginning to say that maybe I’m really not that smart and look pretty dumb without my Teleprompters, but I showed ‘em. I looked the doctor straight in the eye and said something like, ‘you’ve got to be kidding, Infidel, Zionist trouble maker, I’d want them to get the best of care. The rationed government run medical care I’m offering is just for you little people.’ Besides, government employees including myself will have a separate plan which is much better. In my new America, the people serve the government. The government doesn’t serve the people. Haven’t you figured that out yet? I’m still not able to send people to ‘re-education’ labor camps, but I’m working on it. So to Dr. Devinsky, I say your on my list and better just shut up. Now for some more softball questions.” BARACK OBAMA SPEAKS TO THE AMERICAN MEDICAL ASSOCIATION 15 June 2009: “I’m happy to say that in your President’s infinite wisdom, I have resolved the issues of creating a government run medical system and making the Post Office more cost efficient. Taking a page from processing the mail, it has been determined that with the rise of email and efficient letter and package delivery services such as Fedex and UPS, some 450,000 of our 800,000 postal workers really have nothing to do. At the same time, we can’t fire them and most spend their time sitting forlornly in the post office clutching their leather mail bags. When you think about it, there’s not much difference between delivering mail and a government run medical system. Both doctors and postal workers have bags that are rarely used because they don’t like making house calls. Both doctors and postal workers perform extra services considered ‘unnecessary.’ And if mistakes are made and something goes wrong with delivery of services, both have the equivalent of a ‘dead letter office.’ Since postal workers are experienced in making decisions relative to who receives good service and who is denied service based on work load, surplus postal workers will become the new medical bureaucrats. It is they, who will determine who receives treatment, who is provided with delayed treatment and who is denied treatment. The new socialized government medical bureaucracy will work out of underutilized post office buildings. All requests for medical treatment must be accompanied by a zip code. If no zip code is supplied and the patient is in dire need of medical treatment, the request is transferred to the ‘dead care office’ for filing. If a request for medical care is properly completed, the perspective patient has a right to request either normal service or expedited delivery. The medical postal worker will make the initial decision based on how busy the route. All perspective patients have the written right of complaint through a regional Medmaster General, responsible to my new medical Czar. The complaint will be reviewed and the complainant can expect a response no later than six months after receipt. It will be a Class ‘A’ Misdemeanor punishable by up to one year in jail and permanent denial of medical services, for anyone sending in a letter determined to be disrespectful of government authority. Improperly addressed requests for reconsideration will be returned if possible. In conclusion, A.M.A. members will be happy to know that all doctors who support my plan will be eligible receive free stamps until the next increase in postage rates.” President Obama Explains Government Run Medical Care to A.M.A. Doctors... Clarifies his Socialized Medicine Plan To Congress and the American People FULL PRESS RELEASES